By Madeleine Blake

"Meet the Family” and “Guess Who” are two recent movies that make light of an often-awkward social situation, that of meeting future in-laws for the first time. It frequently seems that when we try to make a good impression, what can go wrong will. Imagine how nervous a person would be if they were to meet their future in-laws AND future spouse on the same day! In many parts of the world, arranged marriages are the norm, so for some young adults, this might very well be the case.

Pritesh Shah, Instructional Technician and adjunct faculty member at Carroll, was born in northern India and has shared his knowledge of the traditions involved in finding the perfect partner. Most parents like to see their children happily married. Indian parents are no exception, but they are much more likely to be involved in their children’s marriage decision. Ideally, Indian parents like to see their sons and daughters settled and married by their middle twenties. Young Indian men and women may express an interest in someone in particular, but they will be very aware that the choice of a marriage partner is not only a personal selection, but is very much a family affair.

As a first step, parents of children of marrying age will make discrete inquiries with their friends to identify other families who may be on a similar mission. The next step is a meeting of the potential groom’s family (brothers, sisters and parents) with the potential bride’s parents and siblings so everyone can “check out” one another, prior to dating. It is very important for a bride to get along well with the groom’s family since it is customary in the Hindu tradition that she will move into her husband’s family home.

Another major part of the process is for both sets of parents to ask their family Pundit (a learned person similar to a priest) to consult the Janampatrika of both bride and groom. The Janampatrika is a small book written in Sanskrit by the family Pundit soon after the birth of a child to help an individual understand who he or she is. Janam means birth and Patrika means book in Sanskrit. This book tells about the past, present and future of each individual. Pundits are well educated in math, science and religion and use that knowledge together with the exact time, date and place of birth to compile complicated astrological charts. From the charts the Pundit predicts the future health, career and family of an individual from birth through adulthood. By consulting the Janampatrika of both parties, the Pundit predicts the future success of the marriage.

The Janampatrika follows a particular format. The front cover has a picture of the universe, which includes the sun, moon, planets and stars. The first page is always a picture of Lord Ganesh—the elephant-headed Hindu God who symbolizes good luck and is the guardian of all secret knowledge. Then there are several pages of Sanskrit text, followed by pages of astrological charts. The last page summarizes the book as a whole and projects the subject’s future. The back cover contains blessings from other Hindu Gods and the Pundit.

Parents keep the Janampatrika for their offspring, but since a Pundit is required to read it, the book is usually only consulted at significant times in a person’s life, such as a potential marriage, an important career decision, or possibly a period of ill health.

If the young people, their families and the Janampatrika all indicate a favorable match, then the couple will date while the wedding arrangements are made. But if one of the parties is not interested in pursuing the relationship, then it may be claimed that the Janampatrika indicated against the union. The Pundit is usually willing to come up with an excuse so the family can “save face.”

In the past, it was not unusual for a few families to push their children into a marriage against their wishes for prestige or to further business interests, but that is less likely to happen today.

The younger generation of Hindus, especially those living outside of India who bridge two cultures, is less likely to put much faith in their Janampatrika, thus adding to the typical friction between parents and children that occurs in all cultures. Those Indians who have lived within a western culture for many years are much more likely to want to make their own match, based on the desires of their heart.

This is the second in a series of articles designed to highlight the diversity of the lives of employees at Carroll Community College. If you have a suggestion for a future article, please contact Madeleine Blake at mblake@carrollcc.edu.

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